Remembering is a way to stay connected
April 21, 2008

Sanela Dejanovic
Crusader Staff

Maybe July 28 is going to change my whole life? Not really, I’ll be just one year older. “Shinny,” the 20-year-old kid. Yes, I would not give up on that nickname kid because while I have that attributed to me, I do not have fear that my decisions and approaches are going to be judged too harshly.
Wait a minute. That doesn’t mean that I am going to use drugs, drive under the influence, hurt somebody, or, I don’t know…do something enormously wrong. But I would not worry about others’ opinions on the little things.
And that is a great thing is you can be “young and stupid.” My grandpa loved to say because every little thing that we successfully accomplish is appreciated and noticed, because somehow we are expected to “go crazy.” But in the same time, when you’re mistaken, they (you know, they as in the other side of our bank account. Yes, Mom and Dad, that’s you.) say, “Oh, she’ll be fine. She is still just a kid.”
So either way, we are going to be just fine. But that’s not the point. It seems within this year, something changed in my attitude, in my approach to things and my approach to everything that I love. I felt the importance of memories.
I did hate memories. I always tried to forget everything. Why? It is a fact that I am a perfectionist, but just within myself. I assume that it is OK and normal that others do it different: better, worst, or they can’t, or they do not care, or they are just joking about it.
When it comes to me, I must do it and do it right. Everything is an equation, a problem. But the point is that it is not a problem, it’s just fun. So when I look back, I see the little things that I should do better.
The other reason why I never believed in memories is I was scared that I couldn’t let them go and it would hurt. I was scared that if I remembered all the bad things that were part of my life, they were still going to hurt me. I don’t want to lose that battle.
If I remember all the good things, I will miss them. By missing them, I would not improve. I would just stay in one place. I always need to continue to move in my accomplishments. We all do. That’s the way of living life, not letting life pass by.
Somehow I feel the need to stay connected with everything that I did throughout this year and with all the people that I got to know. I want to remember dumb jokes, tennis trips and spring breaks. I want to remember how I never have been alone while in another part of the world from my homeland. I want to remember how everything was my decision—only I could make it right. And I love it.
And guess what? I want to keep my memories so badly because that is the proof that I did it right. Just one priceless discovery proves that I don’t need to live through memories, but I need to live to make memories. To get something accomplished within school, sports, friendship or love is just half way to victory. to enjoy doing it is the other half, and the winners know how to do that.
— Edited by Dacee Kentner