Communication issues: it’s a cliché saying. It’s also one of the most useful clichés ever said in the history of mankind. Having marital problems? It’s probably communication issues. The reason most countries are at war: communication issues. I have come up with a few “symptoms” that might help determine if you or anyone around you is experiencing communication issues. 6: If you’re talking to a customer service representative, you are most likely having communication issues. When talking to a cell phone provider’s representative, I spent my time trying to translate what they were saying from “indienglish” to regular English. I don’t think half of those vowel sounds can be accounted for in the English alphabet. 5: If you draw a dog in Pictionary, and all of your team guesses the word “declawed,” either you’re a bad artist, or you’re having communication issues. 4: If you ask the only woman working a discount store where the restroom is and she shows you to a door with an “out of order” sign, you are definitely having communication issues. I think she failed to understand my intentions of finding the restroom. 3: If you’re trying to debate the issue of existentialism on Facebook chat, and the other person mentions “Step Up” you’re probably having a lack of communication. Where can conversations about puppy dogs lead to monkeys to animal testing, and then to deep conversations about microbiology and the meaning of life by “Monty Python?” Facebook, that’s where. 2: If you’re trying to debate anything via comments on YouTube, you are having communication issues. No exceptions. And you thought the “Jason” movies were violent. 1: If you order a large pepperoni lovers with extra cheese and sauce, and a taco pizza with no lettuce nor onions, and receive a taco pizza with extra onions and extra lettuce, and a medium pepperoni pizza with little sauce and little to no cheese, you are definitely going to call the restaurant back and will probably continue to have communication issues. Enough said.