Don’t waste your money!

Salina Byrd, Club Reporter

Beauty is a strange thing. I say that it is a strange thing because everyone, everywhere, whether they want to admit to it or not, wants some version of it. Even if they are well aware that it will most likely come with some form of discomfort. 

Salina Byrd had a hard time getting the Face Slimmer in her mouth. The product only came in one size and might be too big for some to use. (Courtesy Photo)

In fact, many people have already acknowledged this with a common phrase. Beauty is pain. If you are one who, despite the pain, will still try to attain beauty then I implore you to buy a facial slimmer. I assure you that you will, no doubt, regret it.

Seriously, don’t waste your money on this. They cost as much as $17.

The facial slimmer that I received is bright red and rubbery to the touch. I have a hard time believing that the designers had not just finished watching Toy Story and used Mrs. Potato Head’s lips as inspiration.

Multiple times, I tried to put the product in my mouth and it just kept popping out. I found this part to be the most frustrating because as simple as it looks, it, in reality, is truly a nightmare.

Once I finally got the facial slimmer to set right in my mouth as well as to stay put, saliva immediately just started to build up. 

Because of this, you should keep a roll of paper towels or a rag nearby so that you can clean up your puddle of saliva that the product caused. Sounds gross? It is.

With the product in your mouth, repeat your vowels, not vows, three minutes per day. I’d say that sounds like loads of fun, but I’d be lying.

The instructions say two put the face slimmer in your mouth and then repeat “A-E-I-O-U” for three minutes. (Courtesy Photo)

When I tried to do as the product suggested, I could barely move my mouth and I felt like gagging the entire time. Which brings me to…

Warning! This product is a choking hazard, please proceed with caution! Not kidding, I almost choked at least once while trying to put the facial slimmer in my mouth.  It is, by far, the most discomforting thing I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing.  

As a result, I would not recommend this product to anyone, anywhere. If you feel the need to waste your time and money on this product, go on ahead but don’t say that you weren’t warned. 

I hope you thoroughly enjoy three minutes per day full entirely of discomfort and pain as you desperately try to attain beauty.